Post by puck on Jul 16, 2011 23:08:36 GMT -5
robin | goodfellow
unknown, leprechaun, hobo/ex-jester, andrew lee potts[/center]
Let's get one thing straight, you and me; I hate paperwork. I'd rather chew off my own arm than fill out this bureaucratic bumblefuck of self-justification, because I have no real inclination to tell you who and what and why I am. But apparently forms and regulations and whatnot just get you all giddy, so you won't let me in your playground 'till I've pushed some pencil.
Fine. If it gets your rocks off, mate, I'll play the little game. I'm all about games.
The name's Robin Goodfellow. I'm a fairy, and I was King Oberon's bitch from my birth up until around the time of your Jesus incident. It was my job to keep the stuck-up bastard amused with himself day in and day out, and in the most humiliating costumes you can imagine. (You remember Lady GaGa? I'm all but certain that she was my successor for the job. The outfits are uncanny.) As for how I got fired? It involved Oberon's lonely daughter, a few too many cups of goat's milk, silk bedsheets... and I think that's all you nosy humans need to know! Right? You're clever, you can get the picture.
Anyway. I kicked around Avalon for some time after that, keeping my head down and taking the name "Puck," when I thought to myself Oi, why are you hanging around? All you'll have here is a fear of soldiers, not enough food, and a lot of walking ahead. There's much more to be done in the realm next door. So I took up my bindle and bread, had a swig of goat's milk for courage, and hopped through mankind's dreams toward the mortal dimension. It's a dangerous route, but I hadn't much to lose; think of it like jumping over stones to cross Niagara Falls.
It did a number on me, but I survived the trip. I wound up arriving through some feckless, unpaid playwright, and stayed half-dead on his floor for several days. We got to know each other a while, and I saw no harm in telling him all about me -- King Oberon's lackeys would neither know nor care to look for me beyond the barrier, so all it did was confuse the hell out of this fellow. He was a good listener. I didn't leave any material gift behind for his services, but I put in a good word for him with The Muses, and... well. You can see how it all turned out for good old Billy.
It came naturally to me to move unseen through the mortal world. After spending all my life licking boots and cracking jokes, it was good to be free, not really something you folk would understand. And cows were everywhere! Real, squeeze-here-for-milk cows! I was like Charlie in the fucking chocolate factory, you've no idea.
Sure, the novelty wore off. I got bored sometimes. But do you know how hard it is to stay bored when there are humans everywhere? You lot are the most gullible species I have ever known. I can't believe some of you actually bought that Xenu thing. It's like living among a race of overly-trusting puppies with Attention Deficit Disorder. Yet somehow, you all managed to invent industries and cities and the most complex machines I've ever seen. How on Gaia you pulled this off is an absolute fucking mystery to me.
I love it. I was always perfectly content drifting through here. I made my own way and had my own little adventures...
...And then some dipshit started the Apocalypse. I'm still very annoyed about that. I mean, stars and stones, what was he thinking? I'm sure our King's forgotten all about me by now, so there's no risk for me to go on home if this place crumbles, but I like it here. You've got horse racing and massive bridges and McDonald's. One of you just had to fuck it up, didn't you?
Well, I'm not leaving without a fight, so that Lucifer dickhead can take that great big stick up his ass and HIS FAT UGLY MOTHER.
...Right. Calm now. To reiterate: I hate paperwork. If this is quite enough personal intrusion for one day, I think I hear a Priest speaking, whose belt is crying out for liberation.
ras,[/size]
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